Updated: Aug 28, 2019
.. or hitting rick bottom and rising up !
The last couple of weeks has been rather an odd time. For many reasons I have been thinking a lot about the direction of the business, not unusual as we approach the end of the calendar year ... but this has also been sparked by the publication of a book I am featured in.
I write a lot and have been published on numerous sites and have my own book out in the New Year ... but this book was different ... because they asked me to do something I don’t often do – to focus on my own story. Writing it was emotional, but seeing it in print and thinking that others would now read it ... that was ...well odd.
However, it coincided with me wanting to have a revamp in Bemoore. I had strayed away slightly from what I wanted to achieve ... which is to help women feel fabulous about themselves... writing my own story reminded me that it was because of my own experiences I had moved into the therapy world … and why I feel so passionate ( yep cliché word) for working with women in the field of self- esteem and self- confidence.
I remembered how there were such crashing lows and times of utter despair ... but then I remembered what it felt like to find my Roar… and so 2019 sees me going back to my roots and I am excited all over again about the business.
Having written the story it now seems easier to start talking about things and I noticed there was a part I did not mention, and I think it’s key to helping women understand why I do what I do...
Some you already know about the chimp story and you can read about this more in the book itself ... but the chimp and the panic attacks came after I had moved from depression to happiness ... a time when I was feeling settled, but when my busy brain was finally able to start processing past events. It was before this that my self esteem was at rock bottom .. I felt totally alone in my grief following the loss of my son ... I was making bad choices and although on the outside, like so many of the women I work with, I looked like I was winning at life ... I was incredibly unhappy. I hated everything about myself and was in a job that I had thought I would do well in ... only to be faced with one of the worst workplace bullies I have ever experienced.
My levels of anxiety would spike, and I constantly doubted every decision... and with what I thought was no one to talk to about my experiences both at work and at home I took this frustration out on myself. It started out as a nervous scratch – just at the base of my right thumb. Not even a conscious decision ... it turned into a habit which saw me scrape at that area with a serrated knife (because I couldn’t bear the thought of a razor blade). Just as they started to heal, I would reopen that wound (in the same place so as not to make too many marks.)
Interestingly once I had made the decision to change my life this habit of self-harm reduced … my first steps to building my self-esteem had started because I had taken action and started to take some control... and yes this did include being brave enough to ask to take on a new role in a new site .. away from that person !.. alongside ending my marriage and changing almost everything about me.
My first tiny Roar had emerged!
In the years to come I would learn to enjoy exploring who the real me was both physically and emotionally. I would undertake therapy to help move forward from my past events.
Self esteem is something we can all nurture. It is something we can all build. We should make it part of our daily lives to water it, feed it and let it see the light. Even now I will admit I have doubts, who doesn’t ... but I have learned to like myself and I have learned slowly to see I have a voice and I can be heard, and it matters that I am … I admit I sometimes find myself unconsciously rubbing at that spot just below my thumb and I have the scars that will stay there forever but I know now that I have a choice and choices in my life.
And so, through writing that story and reflecting on my past events it reminded me that I want to work with women to help then rediscover who they are ... to learn how to make their voice heard in a way that it true to them... to Reconnect Your Life and FindYourRoar.
If you would like support in any areas, you can contact me via this webpage.
Additionally, you can join the Facebook groups which give specialist advice.
Find Your Roar – Self Esteem and Self Confidence
Reconnect Your Life – OCD/Self Harm Recovery Support
The Reconnection Programme is a fully supported 121 programme aimed at giving you all the tools you need to regain your self- esteem, build your self- confidence and create a healthy relationship with yourself and those around you.
Inspirational Fabulous and Over 40 is available to purchase directly from me – simply message me for a signed copy to be posted - £10.00. ( Huge thanks to Jo Outram and Claire Cahill for bringing together 18 amazing other women and having faith in their project and in us !)