Yep They May Have to Pole Vault .. but aren’t you Worth it?
Value Yourself has been the phrase of the week and alongside this I have been going on about raising bars and role modelling boundaries – because in a nutshell as they say if you don’t value yourself then why would anyone else?
Thankfully for many of us even when we struggle (and I have struggled with this ) we do have people around us who value us despite of our own views and they allow us to start to build on our sense of value but it’s a great phrase to keep in mind – for all the those that will support us there are those that see someone vulnerable , someone who doesn’t know what it means to be valued or feel valued and they will strike.
Raise your bar high is about setting out those standards – of how you choose to treat yourself and where you expect others to come in. It is not about having unrealistic expectations, it’s just being clear on what it means to have a healthy relationship with others and self. And once you have that bar in place don’t allow others to slip in underneath it .. you know the ones .. you feel they compromised you or they took advantage , you didn’t feel really comfortable with the way they spoke to you or treated you but they also created a feeling that for them it was acceptable .. it is not ! – Once someone gets in below your bar then you really do set a new low for them and they will not strive to raise up from it! So you set this bar and then you role model – you need to show others that you respect yourself and you respect others . A wonderful person said to me just the other day Respect shouldn’t be earned – it should be given .. and I get that because what they meant is that if you have no reason to doubt someone why would you not start out treating them with respect .. if they lose your respect well that’s a different story
Show people that you treat yourself with kindness and how that relates to those around you. Show people that mistakes can be learned from and we don’t need to keep beating ourselves up . Show people how you create time for self and others and demonstrate compassion and empathy. Use positive language when talking about yourself and give others praise. Acknowledge when you are feeling low and understand that you can work through it.
And most importantly when someone tries to get in under the bar by speaking badly to you, commenting or acting with unkindness or in any way creates that feeling that something is off – listen to that inner voice and make a choice to let them know it’s not OK. Not this time , not once , not – it won’t happen again .. be clear it’s not OK.
Value yourself and let others value you back!
Set that bar high – and as I said at the start – so people might have to put some energy in get over your bar but so do you and you are worth being valued enough that they will do that.
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