But a little external oomph does no harm !
It’s true that confidence is from the inside. You feel confident and feel is the key word .. the feeling you get when you just know you …
Through therapy we work with clients to get them to not just think differently ( which can be exhausting to keep up) but to feel differently and confidence is part of that and when you get it ..it can be transformational!
We talk about not relying on external factors – because then you are not truly able to be as you wish to be – you look to get validation from others, from situations , from the weather even…and it becomes ingrained that when the external factors are not in your favour – the confidence or feel good factor also goes out the window.
But this week 2 things have come to mind .. with clients it’s about how to get started on that journey , because this is also the thing . If you don’t feel confident , then you need to make a start , you need to have something to build on , and feeling confident that you can be confident is a tricky situation to be in.
It’s alright for us therapists to say – ‘of course you can do it , of course you can wear it , of course you can say it .. just try – go one ! ‘.. but the fact is there is self-doubt there and encouragement is good but might not be the key that starts the engine… because you have to believe it to be true.
And then there is the fact that once you feel confident it doesn’t mean to you always do feel that .. it’s normal for everyone as I have written about before to have that crisis of confidence and want to give yourself and your self-esteem a boost – or a kick up the bum.
So this is a time when actually turning to something external could be just what you need.
Here’s a few idea ..
Create a great playlist and play it loud and sing and dance to raise you up!
Write out 3 affirmations of how you would like to be feeling – I Am Amazing / Fabulous / Awesome / Confident – say them out loud and really listen to your voice.
Find one item of clothing or one outfit that you love and loves you back – put it on for that added boost.
Work with a trusted friend confidante to create a list of things about yourself you like – or they like even and make it visible to you on a daily basis.
Start to document your positives and start to write down all the good things which happen .. and if that’s hard then start with simply writing down non negatives.
Do some exercise or at least go outside – if its sunny stand and feel the sun or your face and if it’s raining – dance in the rain ( you can do this in your back garden)
For me there are 4 things I know I have in my tool kit ..
Firstly get up , yoga and get dressed .. if I stay in my PJ’s I find my mood doesn’t lift so well.
Put my face on .. yep – putting on my make up and big hair creates a feel good moment for me.
Great heels – shallow I know again but when I need to lift myself a great heel does this literally for me.
The key is create your tool kit – to use it to get started or bolster you up .. but not to rely on it. Keep working on that inner confidence and your self-esteem but know that sometimes it’s OK to get some help.
Why not come over to the Bemoore Face Book Group – Reconnection and join in the conversation and find support ? https://www.facebook.com/groups/Bemoorefindyourroar/
If you need help with OCD or Self Harm Behaviours drop me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org.
And subscribe to my YouTube Channel to get loads of advice on how to Reconnect in Your Life and hear real life Reconnection stories. – ‘The Reconnection Space.’ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaihh8g2BXqUD_H9jQ-OA_w?view_as=subscriber
Coming soon – dedicated webpage to OCD/Self Harm Support and Online coaching course to introduce you to my Reconnection Programme.